HOLLER.

so, a boy sent me a message on going.com, no subject, body: "HOLLER."
what does one say to that? yes? no? thank you? hello there! oh, yes, i did holler, you were probably too far away to hear it, though. take my word, i did.
i mean, i know that if you "holla back atcha boy", maybe it means you want him? or at least want to talk to him?
cat and mouse? does he want me to initiate the conversation, to make it look like i want him?
what happened to hello?

HOLLER BACK.

think about it this way.

i overanalyze? maybe you don't analyze enough.

superiority complex.

having spent a great deal of time lately on this little site called jamsbio, and searching far and wide for new, underground bands similar to the ones i already enjoy, and having found many, many, many, i've realized a bit more about myself. i am a dreaded music elitist. it's such an awful reputation to have, and brings about accidental condescension on people around who may not be as superior, or fortunate enough to know the things i know. honestly! my music taste is one of the only things i truly adore about myself; it's such a shame i don't know how to spread the ego around equally to all parts of myself, instead of concentrating it into one area that consequentially makes everyone around me contemptuous. sometimes i just wonder, how people can enjoy some pieces of music, how they can miss the fact that it really is awful, how they can not have heard of something incredible (that i, coincidentally, love). additionally, i spend a lot of my time trying to convince people to listen to such and such music, and they either adore or hate the recommending. in the same vein, it is not easy being a music elitist! when you hear of shows that these artists may be putting on, it can be difficult to find people to go with you, since many people have not heard of these secret musical treasures. woe is me, right? pah! i don't care. as long as i have my music for myself, that is all that matters. my intentions are good, and not to offend anyone. it is just the way things are.

masochist.

i say this time it will not happen again. fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. but i am aware of what is going on. you hurt me continuously but i want more. sure, you are nice outwardly, but i know the mind games entailed. you are not nice; you are very mean. this may surprise you. am i masochistic? perhaps. or maybe it's kind of like when they say that bad attention is better than no attention at all. i don't understand. i just want your attention. somehow you have tricked me into believing that having your attention makes me special in a way. i am quite aware that i am a fool, no need to remind me. oh, and if you think this is about you, it probably isn't.

download, for your empathetic pleasures: "I Don't Want To Get Over You" by The Magnetic Fields

spectacular things 004.

004. cuddling.
just throwing this one in there before the weekend: i have been told by many many many people that i either look incredibly comfortable and easy to fall asleep with, or that i actually am. i guess it's true. i kind of like hearing that; some girls may say 'are you saying i'm squishy? and fat?' but i don't think so. it could partially be due to voluptuousness but it could also be accredited to a certain type of personality. either way, cuddling is a good feeling and i enjoy it. who doesn't? i think it is one of my favorite hobbies. the ability to fall asleep with and next to another human being is a spectacular thing and i wish everyone would appreciate it a bit more for what it is, rather than what it is not.

in other news, have you listened to your share of sigur ros today? if not, get on that.

how soon is now?

you shut your mouth
how can you say
i go about things the wrong way?
i am human and i need to be loved
just like everybody else does

there's a club, if you'd like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die

when you say it's gonna happen "now"
well, when exactly do you mean?
see i've already waited too long
and all my hope is gone

i prefer to leave lyrics off this blog at the risk of sounding cliche, especially with this song, but it's too perfect for right now, and i am far too into the smiths at the moment.

spectacular things 001-3.

just to prove that i'm not entirely a negative nancy, i'm also starting a segment in here devoted to the tiniest little amazing things in life. i think it is important to not lose oneself and to pay attention to the smaller things, and find joy in them.

001. bedhead.
cutest thing i've ever seen. honestly. in a boy or a girl. bedhead melts my heart. there is nothing more charming than tousled hair sticking up at odd angles, and usually an equally out-of-sorts sleepy face to go along with it. maybe i'm just biased, but i think boys can work it better, perhaps it's just the shortness of their hair, or perhaps it's the simple fact that i am attracted to males, but.. oh cute.

002. smelling like other people.
the other day, devin asked me what my favorite scent is. i would have to say, the scent of other people. of course, some people smell bad, but after cuddling with someone, or hugging them a lot, they tend to leave their scent upon you, usually traces of perfume or cologne, or sometimes the ever-special natural scent, and it really is amazing. this is one reason i have no problem letting people use my pillows when they stay the night. my pillow is an orgy of scents! ah, fantastic.

003. assignments and exams being pushed back.
it really is the best feeling when you dread studying so direly, and check your e-mail to find a message from the professor to the entire class announcing that the exam has been pushed back a week. ah. a week of free time, a week more to study. of course, this is probably the procrastinator in me having its biggest wish come true, but still. i am allowed to encourage it at times.