heartache.

if you attempt to google 'heartache', anything you will find will be strictly emotion-based. what about the physical sensation one gets when in such a state of mind? the way one's chest constricts and literally feels as though one's heart could actually be breaking any moment. the nausea. the feeling of heaviness all over, making it difficult to pull oneself from bed. there are chemicals in one's brain that are released when one feels terribly upset. these chemicals cause this sensation. heartbreak is not simply a metaphor. love is a chemical reaction. lust is a chemical reaction. attraction, desire, allure, loneliness. all chemical reactions. the worst part is, one cannot exactly control these chemical reactions. the lack of control frightens me, in this case.

i thought of the perfect combination of songs to describe the perfect feeling. music describes everything. i wish i could put words to a simple sound. sometimes, instruments speak far clearer than the lyrics themselves.

if you take the lyrics, "all i want is to be the very best for you" from interpol's "the specialist", add them to "come for me, cover me, come for me, comfort me" from deerhunter's "agoraphobia", with the guitar riff of sigur ros' "olsen olsen" particularly from 0:27 to 0:58. add in piano from "mer du japon" by air, and the concept behind placebo's "blind", "say yes" by elliott smith, and the rest of the presets' "anywhere" after 4:57 to the end. title it "take me somewhere nice", taking from a mogwai song, and you have the perfect sensation of what a relationship should be like. maybe with "combat baby" from metric in there, too.

instead, what do you have? listen to any her space holiday song from "the young machines", and you will know. not to be pessimistic or anything. i am just suffering from many chemical reactions at the moment.